If, like me, you had a tantrum and you yelled at your kids today then here’s are some steps to help you reconnect and repair.
One, ADMIT to yourself that you were an asshole today. You should not have yelled. Instead, you should have spoken to your child respectfully while you held your boundaries without having a tantrum about it.
Two, ACKNOWLEDGE your underlying feelings. What was beneath the anger when you yelled? Often this has to do with a fear that goes way back to when you were a child yourself. Your feelings are yours to process and there needs to be a pause between the feeling and how you respond.
Three, APOLOGISE to your child without saying the word BUT. A lot of people’s egos wont even let them do this with another adult so I know this will be hard for many of you. This is how you apologise. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. I was… this could be that you were hungry, overtired, emotional about dropping your ice cream, hormonal or actually really just angry at your partner / your boss or your colleague, none of whom would it be appropriate to yell at and none of whom would take your outbursts and forgive you the way your child does. This apology shows your child that you are human. You are imperfect. You make mistakes. You also take responsibility for your mistakes and you are on a path of evolution as a parent.
Four, ATTUNE & CONNECT with your child. They may need space. If so, provide it without taking it personally and throwing another tantrum. They may need to connect, if so sit beside them, ask them if they want a hug or play a game with them.
Five, after you fill your evening with connection and love and you wake up in your bed (probably with one or more children next to you) to another day in the life motherhood you may want to say a prayer that Vivek Patel recommends and that is “Oh divine one, Please let me be a little less of an asshole today, than I was yesterday”.
They are my five steps to reconnect and repair. Good luck!
Do life with love, Leila A