Being aware of what your values are is the key to understanding other people and having great relationships – with your partner, your family, friends and anyone else you confront in your life. And knowing when values don’t align and why can save you a lifetime of conflict!
Throughout your life there will be lots of role models, events and people that influence your values. The values you have will affect your beliefs, your attitudes and your behaviours. If your values are totally different than your partners the way you plan, parent and live your daily life will be vastly different.
Are you compatible with your current partner? Do you have a shared vision and plan for the future? Do you know what values are the most important for you and for your partner in terms of your relationship? What about in the way you believe birth should occur? And the way you parent?
My partner and I are two very different people but our values when it comes to life goals and parenting are, more often than not, aligned.That means that our life together (most of the time) and the way we parent flows freely like water. It also means that the way parent and the ways that meet each others needs all mirror our shared values.
Uncovering your values and having clarity and alignment in your shared values as a partnership can be such a useful way of up-levelling your relationship. It can also be life changing when you discover that the meaning behind your values could be the reason for ongoing conflict.
What is important to you? And what do these words mean to you? Being aware of your language and the meaning behind the words you use is going to be vital in understanding your partner and understanding why conflicts arise. For example, you may have “family” as your number one thing that is important to you but the meaning behind this value is different for different people.
Two people could say they value their family but the meaning behind how this plays out may be different, one person might display it by working long hours to set their family up for financial success and this is how they show their family how much they value them. For their partner however, they may believe that valuing family means spending as much time as possible with them and doing less work. So, understanding the meaning behind your values and your partners’ values is vital.
Discovering your partners values, and knowing that values are not chosen consciously but that they do change, is a really great way of understanding of people’s behaviours, beliefs and the way they parent. Being aware of your differing values is also a big step in being able to relate to a persons actions and in avoiding conflict in relationships.
It is quite liberating to be aware of your values and when you can sympathise with other peoples behaviours because you understand the meaning they put on their values.
What is important to you for your birth, parenting and life? And what meanings to you assign to your values?
Do life with love, Leila A